In the waiting I was definitely broken. I had moments that weren't moments but more like loss time. I have cried too. Sometimes I welcomed the tears because there was a time I was so hard, tears escaped me. I will never not want them again. They ushered in something new, something that aided in the healing of my wounds, something that allowed the ache to shift.![]()
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In the waiting, I definitely changed. I poured into new things, and gave more than I thought I had. I became intentional. Worked on discovering who I was and whose I was. I defined self-care and took the steps to make it part of my life. I scheduled it, day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year.![]()
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In the waiting, I have grown. I am still growing and I am still becoming.
I so have this advice ready. I mean it is piped and like icing on a cake. And I know its solid because I lived it it, studied throught it and needed to hear it myself today. ![]()
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I wrote this long message and somehow it was lost before it ever posted. Knowing all things happen for a reason, I realize it was missing something. And so here is the short of it..![]()
1. Appreciate your gifts![]()
2. You are uniquely you for a reason![]()
3. Be intentional ![]()
4. Trust the process![]()
5. The beauty of art is it always more or less.![]()
6. Your surrender makes room His favor
Today I took the keys from myself, refused to get dressed and spent some one on one time with myself. In the end, I ate 3 square meals, exercised and took a few naps. I need to schedule more days like this..
a few me things:![]()
1. Do great things![]()
2. be better not bitter![]()
3. Where is mommy? When?![]()
4. Life be lifing ![]()
5. beloved is one of my favorite words when God talks about me.![]()
6. I am learning every day to love me!![]()
7. making room is both physical and mental![]()
8. arms wide open, let God be God in my life![]()
9. I want to leave a legacy for my children's children![]()
10. I want to share my life with someone*
She doesn't know it, but there are times when she picks up the phone thinking she just needs to talk to me, she is cheering me on. We can talk about just anything. She is just a teen, but she can't be told that. I share with her, laugh with her and drop a few nuggets about pushing forward, having hope, and not being cocky but confident. ![]()
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She doesn't know it, but there are times she is teaching me more than I can imagine. There are these time she digs in and won't quit, when she becomes so determined not to win, but to finish. The times she defends my honor. I try to tell her it isn't necessary to fight battles like that. That sometimes we have more power in walking away. I told her just yesterday, that I am still beautiful. I told her, the comment true or not, I am still beautiful. ![]()
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This morning as I wash all the comments that were spoken about me or over me. I sort through what brings value to me and what I release. Some like those noseems, left bite marks I will deal with for weeks, but I am determined to be better.![]()
I'd like her to know those things were heard. I chose my outfit a little more carefully, I made sure and had a little more covering, but I remain who I am; pushing forward. Cheering for her, cheering for me, hoping, praying? loving ❤️
Struggles are real. This week I have had moments where its hard to find words, hard to pray, hard to be okay with what I want, hard to help others. We hold this image in our heads formed from cultural norms, of what is and shouldn't be and we get stuck there. My heart is heavy these days and I love the moments like right now when I have no control and there is just me and God and he pulls me in to release what I can't control. Words seem to flow in the silence and I sit in the tears he allows to flow.
It was a few years ago that our world shook and life changed. No matter how you viewed Covid, it swept in and dictated a new stance of fear, isolation, work, family and the list goes on. During that time something shook in me and my perspective changed on hiw I live life I misses alot of life moments; kids sports, family meals, time with friends, ministry and so much more. ai was buried in work so much so that I lost myself. Truth is.I lost more than that both physically and mentally. ![]()
Today, I am a new version of myself. I find myself still working probably more than I should? but not.at the expense of what is most important. These days l? I've made room on my calendar for people. relationships, time with my kids, family, friends. I look at my job a little different, instead of I have too, I get too. Don't get this story twisted as to I don't have needs or demands pressing at me because they are very present. I have desires that go far beyond my present situation, but as I wait, I wait with a joyful heart.
I admit I want somethings in mylife. Sometimes I let my imagination loose and I see things so different from this moment. This can be both powerful and weakening at the same time; an oxymoron of joyful despair. As I sit in that buried emotion, I welcome the peace that washea over me as ![]()
I lay all this down at the feet of Jesus...![]()
God's Plan![]()
Trust in God![]()
Quiet....![]()
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:"you will fight my battles if I just be quiet:
I promise this time will be different!![]()
I have fallen, tripped and had the wounds to prove it more than once. This time, it will be different. ![]()
I am taking every part of the fall, before the fall, the wounds, the pain, the lessons and adding them all up. I want a different result this time and so there has to be an armor change.